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Poem: What to let go…

(reflections on my firstborn son moving out of home…)

Was I good enough?

Could I have done more?

These questions are running around in my mind

They feel like a

crowd of carrion birds

Picking at memories, like bones

I rush at them and they fly away

Sitting in a distant tree

And yet…

What to hold onto?

What to let go?

Maybe everything.

At the end of it all I’m seeing that it’s all just ‘you’ anyway

All this introspection can spin out of control!

Always you were to be

this boy,

this man.

No matter what I did

No matter the choices I made

They seemed so important at the time

Looking back I wish I’d gone easier on myself!

You are different to the one I thought I’d foreseen

(Ah yes, the ideas about who you were to be….)

I am glad to let go

and sink into the reality of you

Bask in your being

My son, my son, my son.

Your childhood has flown away

It’s bright feathers have dropped at my feet

Mine to gather and keep.

In its place another bird has appeared

Readying for flight

I feel strong talons about to let go of my arm

I release you to life

And I will always hold you.


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