(reflections on my firstborn son moving out of home…)
Was I good enough?
Could I have done more?
These questions are running around in my mind
They feel like a
crowd of carrion birds
Picking at memories, like bones
I rush at them and they fly away
Sitting in a distant tree
And yet…
What to hold onto?
What to let go?
Maybe everything.
At the end of it all I’m seeing that it’s all just ‘you’ anyway
All this introspection can spin out of control!
Always you were to be
this boy,
this man.
No matter what I did
No matter the choices I made
They seemed so important at the time
Looking back I wish I’d gone easier on myself!
You are different to the one I thought I’d foreseen
(Ah yes, the ideas about who you were to be….)
I am glad to let go
and sink into the reality of you
Bask in your being
My son, my son, my son.
Your childhood has flown away
It’s bright feathers have dropped at my feet
Mine to gather and keep.
In its place another bird has appeared
Readying for flight
I feel strong talons about to let go of my arm
I release you to life
And I will always hold you.
Beloved