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We often think healthy relationships begin when we finally meet the right person. After years of working with individuals and couples, I've come to see that healthy relationships begin much earlier than that. They begin in the work we do on ourselves - in learning to regulate our emotions, becoming a friend to ourselves, developing the courage to repair after conflict, and building a life that feels meaningful whether we're partnered or not. Of course, none of this guarantees

Expressive writing is a research-backed journaling method developed in the mid-1980s by Dr. James Pennebaker, a social psychologist at the University of Texas at Austin. Unlike casual daily journaling or gratitude tracking, this protocol asks you to write continuously about your deepest thoughts and feelings regarding a stressful, painful, or traumatic life experience. It is designed to help your brain organise, process, and integrate "stuck" emotional memories - essentially

We've all been there. You feel overwhelmed or in need of support, but instead of asking for it, you drop a heavy hint. You might sigh loudly while doing the dishes or talk about a struggle, but without actually asking for help. In the world of psychology and human relationships, this is often called "dry begging." While it usually stems from a "fear of being a burden", it actually creates a much heavier weight: the Mind-Reading Expectation. This never goes well for any relat

(…or under stress, or stuck in rumination, or catastrophising) My hope is that this exercise will help you to relate differently to unhelpful thoughts by noticing them as mental activity rather than facts or identity. You do this by giving the distressing or unhelpful thinking pattern you've identified (the ones you just sometimes fall into) a separate name . You then refer to it in the third person when it becomes unhelpful, repetitive, or overly negative. Instead of: “

I recently came across an idea from relationship coach Derek Hart that I really appreciated; and it aligns closely with what I know to be true about connection and human nervous systems! The suggestion was that after a brief “landing period” when partners arrive home (a few minutes to decompress and settle), these three simple questions can help you set the scene for a more connected evening. They’re simple, but each one does something important: 1. “I’m glad you’re home.” T

“Compassion is the courage to be vulnerable with ourselves.” ~ Sarah Macklin I've noticed something interesting over the years that I have sat with people in my role as Counsellor. No matter what issue, grief, difficulty or desire for change that someone may come in to speak with me about, there is one thing that helps with everything. I have also noticed that there are some unhelpful beliefs people often hold about this thing, which can act as real barriers in terms of

Most couples in conflict don’t need better intentions. They need better language. Not polished communication. Not “ use your I-statements .” We need phrases that will help us to: • interrupt argument escalation • lower your partners defensiveness • signal that you are seeking to understand (even if you don't agree) • stop your negative cycle in its tracks so it doesn't take over and ruin your day / evening / entire weekend! There's some real-life practical examples below to

Closeness doesn’t evaporate overnight ... it fades away in the small spaces where we forget to see each other. The small little things we stop noticing and doing; tiny gestures before leaving the house, the things that go unseen or unnoticed. The everyday micro-moments of paying attention that might seem meaningless, but in reality speak volumes to our nervous systems. Researchers and therapists like the well-known couples therapists John and Julie Gottman, have studied long-

Many of the couples I see in the course of my work are negatively impacted by the anxious / avoidant attachment dance. I have this dynamic in my own life, and I know very personally that it is not an easy one to navigate! (If you're new to attachment styles, here's a really useful online test you can do - it's such a useful thing to know about oneself, and there's around 60 yrs of solid social science research to back up its validity!) Today I was sitting in the sun, readin