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Most couples in conflict don’t need better intentions. They need better language. Not polished communication. Not “ use your I-statements .” We need phrases that will help us to: • interrupt argument escalation • lower your partners defensiveness • signal that you are seeking to understand (even if you don't agree) • stop your negative cycle in its tracks so it doesn't take over and ruin your day / evening / entire weekend! There's some real-life practical examples below to

Closeness doesn’t evaporate overnight ... it fades away in the small spaces where we forget to see each other. The small little things we stop noticing and doing; tiny gestures before leaving the house, the things that go unseen or unnoticed. The everyday micro-moments of paying attention that might seem meaningless, but in reality speak volumes to our nervous systems. Researchers and therapists like the well-known couples therapists John and Julie Gottman, have studied long-

Many of the couples I see in the course of my work are negatively impacted by the anxious / avoidant attachment dance. I have this dynamic in my own life, and I know very personally that it is not an easy one to navigate! (If you're new to attachment styles, here's a really useful online test you can do - it's such a useful thing to know about oneself, and there's around 60 yrs of solid social science research to back up its validity!) Today I was sitting in the sun, readin

How Does It Work? Bilateral Stimulation is where you engage in alternating left-to-right movements (like tapping, passing an object, or...

Most of us are familiar with the idea of an inner child ... a part of us that still carries hurts and unmet needs from long ago. A...

Taiwanese artist Tung Ming-Chin plays with themes of inner emotions and the subconscious mind through his masterful wood art projects...

Recently, as an experiment, I asked ChatGPT a question I often circle around in my own thinking and counselling work: "What are five...

Brain scans reveal something powerful: when we reframe our emotions—consciously shifting how we interpret a situation—we activate the...

The stuff below was not written by me, but I really appreciated it's wisdom! However, there are a couple of things I would like to add!...

All unhealthy relationship patterns & interactions are affected by difficulties in these two domains: 1 - Boundaries (too strong or too weak/porous) 2 - Self-esteem (too low or too grandiose) Relationship problems will tend to exist in the expression of these extremes and thus cause problems. If our goal is to create healthy relationships in our lives, a good first step lies in becoming aware of where you go when the going gets tough . We are not talking here about y

Ever been in an argument where you knew it wasn’t going anywhere good? Most fights don’t start as full-blown explosions. They build. ...

The idea of love languages has helped many couples identify the ways in which they prefer to give and receive love. By categorising these...

Met attachment needs provide the foundation for secure attachment in relationships. You can meet these needs not just by saying them...

Learning how to approach your partner when you feel hurt, and use it as an opportunity for relationship growth is a skill that can be...

I used to wonder why it seemed like my heart hardened with every year that passed? I was mindlessly becoming a thick fossil of judgments...

The "gold" of relationships appears within the realm of conflict: a constant movement between misattunement and repair. Some...

When you’re talking to your partner and your emotions start to escalate, one of the most important questions to ask yourself is “Which...

Hi There! Each month I send out a collection of stuff I think is either useful, interesting or funny (or all three - thats the sweet spot) which is then emailed out to a list of current and past clients. The title of the newsletter is really important. "How To Be Imperfect" My fond hope is that each time it shows up in peoples inboxes, it helps them to think upon the many potential benefits of embracing Imperfection . For me, this has become a key component of my self-compa

I posted something today on my GoodTherapy FB page that felt really important. So, here I am turning it into a blog post, because... well...

A wise man said something to me a month ago that really hit me in the mind and heart - in the way that really deep truths do. ...