Most couples in conflict don’t need better intentions. They need better language. Not polished communication. Not “ use your I-statements .” We need phrases that will help us to: • interrupt argument escalation • lower your partners defensiveness • signal that you are seeking to understand (even if you don't agree) • stop your negative cycle in its tracks so it doesn't take over and ruin your day / evening / entire weekend! There's some real-life practical examples below to help you do just...

Closeness doesn’t evaporate overnight ... it fades away in the small spaces where we forget to see each other. The small little things we stop noticing and doing; tiny gestures before leaving the house, the things that go unseen or unnoticed. The everyday micro-moments of paying attention that might seem meaningless, but in reality speak volumes to our nervous systems. Researchers and therapists like the well-known couples therapists John and Julie Gottman, have studied long-term...

Many of the couples I see in the course of my work are negatively impacted by the anxious / avoidant attachment dance. I have this dynamic in my own life, and I know very personally that it is not an easy one to navigate! (If you're new to attachment styles, here's a really useful online test you can do - it's such a useful thing to know about oneself, and there's around 60 yrs of solid social science research to back up its validity!) Today I was sitting in the sun, reading a really cool...