We've all been there. You feel overwhelmed or in need of support, but instead of asking for it, you drop a heavy hint. You might sigh loudly while doing the dishes or talk about a struggle, but without actually asking for help. In the world of psychology and human relationships, this is often called "dry begging." While it usually stems from a "fear of being a burden", it actually creates a much heavier weight: the Mind-Reading Expectation. This never goes well for any relationship....

(…or under stress, or stuck in rumination, or catastrophising) My hope is that this exercise will help you to relate differently to unhelpful thoughts by noticing them as mental activity rather than facts or identity. You do this by giving the distressing or unhelpful thinking pattern you've identified (the ones you just sometimes fall into) a separate name . You then refer to it in the third person when it becomes unhelpful, repetitive, or overly negative. Instead of: “ I’m failing at...

I recently came across an idea from relationship coach Derek Hart that I really appreciated; and it aligns closely with what I know to be true about connection and human nervous systems! The suggestion was that after a brief “landing period” when partners arrive home (a few minutes to decompress and settle), these three simple questions can help you set the scene for a more connected evening. They’re simple, but each one does something important: 1. “I’m glad you’re home.” This is more...